If you were still here, you would have called me today. You would’ve made sure I remembered to hang Caroline’s dress up so it wouldn’t wrinkle and told her she had to wear a sweater so her back wouldn’t show at church. It’s ok. You taught me well, so I remembered. You’d complain that Jake … Continue reading To Mom, On Easter
Photo by Daria Obymaha on Pexels.com Devotion from guest blogger Anna Morgan: She pressed her back against the rough stone wall, the coolness soaking through her peplos, the long robes that reached to her feet. Her heart hammered in her chest and the roaring of her nerves in her ears almost drowned out the cries … Continue reading Daughter: A Devotion
This blog is written by guest blogger Anna Morgan, a wife, mom, writer, and singer with great hair. “Silence is golden unless you have a toddler. Then silence is suspicious.” I have always agreed with the quote. Kids hitting each other with baseball bats? Eh, builds character. One of them banging pots and pans together … Continue reading Silence is Not Golden
When you grow up Pentecostal, pool days look a little different. First of all, you have to wear a whole piece swim suit, or if you have on a bikini, you have to cover it with a t-shirt. Second, only one gender at a time in the pool to avoid “mixed bathing”, because look how … Continue reading Pentecostal Kids
Fall has officially come, with its bright colors, unpredictable temperatures, and feeling of being just on the cusp of something. I’m not sure what it is about this season, but even when I was a child, there was a certain feeling in my chest that manifested by mid-September or early October. The sensation of being … Continue reading Shadows
“A few years ago, when my dad was still sick and this preacher came to pray with us at the hospital, he thanked God that our family was able to deal with hard situations with joy,” I said. “I remember thinking it was funny that he saw it that way because I’d never thought of … Continue reading Finding the Funny, Even in Funerals
I’ve been trying to branch out and read more non-fiction lately. In addition to the humor writings of Tina Fey and David Sedaris, and all the Joan Didion I can get my hands on (decidedly not humor writing), I’ve been reading the work of a lot of Christian essayists— Jen Hatmaker, Rachel Held Evans, Shauna … Continue reading Sitting in the Dark: A Devotion
Being married is sometimes freakishly hard. I see couples who have been together 30, 40, or 50 years, and I think they must possess some magical skill that I have yet to develop. I think that maybe the reason we never read that Jesus married anyone is because it would’ve been a stretch for him … Continue reading Bossypants and Bad Behavior
When my anxiety gets out of control, or my mind is racing too much to concentrate on reading books, my default coping mechanism is binge-watching Gilmore Girls. I think it’s comforting to me because it’s the show I watched with my mom growing up, and we always sort of pictured our relationship as similar to … Continue reading Sanctuary
I made it through Mother’s Day. It doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment, but compared to the previous years, it’s pretty impressive. No tears, no theatrics. Just brunch, time with family, shopping, and takeout for dinner. I skipped church and I’m not sorry because I’m not ready to push myself quite that hard yet. … Continue reading The Bittersweet Spot
I have always loved stories. This year on my birthday, Uncle Jesse sent me a bunch of pictures from my childhood, some of which I don’t remember ever seeing before, and there was a common theme. In a bunch of them, there was a book on my lap. I remember learning to read before I … Continue reading My Favorite Place to Run Away: Origami Ink
My mom used to love this song by Building 429, “Where I Belong.” One of the last videos we have of her leading worship at church was her singing that song. Helen Keller used to sing it on the praise team all the time, and Mom loved it. It’s about not fitting anywhere. It’s about … Continue reading Longing for Egypt
When I was growing up, I went to a church who had the same pastor for almost 40 years. Brother Bobby Smith. He was the kindest, most compassionate man and he was so good at loving people. I was only a teenager when he retired, but I still remember some of the messages he preached. … Continue reading Me and Lot’s Wife
I knew today would be a hard day. It has been two years today since my Mom died, going into the hospital for a routine surgery, and never leaving again. With this being the time of year that it is, I have been thinking a lot about the last few days I was with her. … Continue reading My Mom’s Last Message
I hate posing for pictures. Not a little bit, like a lot. I am not photogenic, and I am awkward in general, and immortalizing this forever in photos causes me great emotional distress. That is why you only rarely see me take selfies. It’s because I feel ridiculous. Here are some important facts you need … Continue reading Bad Parenting, Good Memories
I am not a huge fan of snow. Sure, as a kid I got pretty excited about it because of school being cancelled and because I live in The South where snow is a novelty. As a healthcare worker I learned to resent it a little because snow days didn’t apply to me, they just … Continue reading Snow
On Christmas Eve, I read the most perfect thing. It was a daily meditation from a collection of Henri Nouwen’s writings, You Are the Beloved. It was called, “A Prayer.” I’m gonna be honest— in devotion books and daily readings I usually skip over the holidays because I expect them to be so cliche. Like … Continue reading 2021, Henri Nouwen’s Prayer, and God With Us
After she gets her heart broken in the first Sex and the City movie, Carrie Bradshaw goes to Mexico with her friends on what was supposed to be her honeymoon, and she spends days in bed, hiding, barely waking up long enough to eat or drink anything, with the windows closed and shuttered. Eventually, she … Continue reading I Laughed Until I Cried This Week
For as long as I can remember, there has been this odd tension in my soul, as if the space that I inhabit is neither here nor there, where I instead am perpetually floating in this moment that occurs between the already and the not yet, as if someone snapped a photo of me jumping … Continue reading Ozurie
One of the perks (or downfalls?) of coming from a family where movies are life is that every single movie you watch becomes so much a part of your identity that even the most routine activities sparks a connection with a movie you’ve seen. Today is Thanksgiving, or as I like to think of it, … Continue reading Happy Eat as Much Pie As You Want Day
So here’s a fun fact. There is a whole list of movies I couldn’t watch as a kid because of the bad words in them. My parents were not about to have it. The “D word” and the “H word” in very small doses were passable sometimes, but anything other than that? Absolutely not. And … Continue reading “She’s a Beaut, Clark!”
I’m a little bit of a hoarder. It’s not that I enjoy clutter, or that I want my house to be so crammed full of stuff that you have to turn sideways to walk the hall, or call the fire department for a rescue mission to get out of the bathroom, but I find comfort … Continue reading A Resurrection Story
My mom had a super power. A lot of super powers actually. She had this ability to face adversity with joy. The gift of teaching and preaching. The ability to love fiercely and compassionately. But I think one of her best giftings was prayer. On days when I feel especially lost, what I miss the … Continue reading My Mom’s Super Power
Reading: John 11:17-40 So here’s a little truth about family dynamics as it relates to birth order. Well, at least in my family. The oldest kid is the rule follower, the one who tries to keep the peace, and the bossy one. Bursts into tears when they think someone is mad at them, constantly strives … Continue reading Well There You Go: A Sort of Devotion
I used to think life was following a map. That it was long stretches of dirt roads, trails snaking through mountains and valleys, occasionally approaching rivers to find the bridge was out. Then, I started to think of it as more of a maze, as if upon entering the teenage years, you’re unceremoniously dumped at … Continue reading Ledges: What No One Tells You About Depression, Anxiety, and Grief
I don’t watch a ton of Netflix, not because I’m super conscientious and productive, but because I don’t have time. Work and life get in the way of my Netflix binge dreams usually, but there are two shows other half and I have loved. One is Longmire, and the other is Designated Survivor. Last night … Continue reading Designated Survivor and Me
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about things my mom used to say. I have a whole list of, now up to like 80 different things she used to tell me, funny truths about life, and I’ve written out 130 pages now of memories about them so I don’t forget. Then today Helen Keller and … Continue reading One Moment of Passion
I love Atticus. I discovered my first collection of Atticus poetry a couple of years ago at Target, and immediately ordered the other two collections. The poems aren’t long, most of them are just a few lines, but they are profound. In just a couple of sentences, he captures a depth of emotion that I … Continue reading Devotion: Atticus and Demons
This weekend we did that thing parents aren’t supposed to do and kept the kids out of school for two days to go on vacation. We went to our home away from home, Isle of Palms. Every morning, I got up and drove to Starbucks because I am who I am, and I had to … Continue reading Vacation
Yesterday the kids went back to school. It’s always been a pretty big deal— shop for the perfect outfit, get the best school supplies, make sure the morning goes as smoothly as possible at home so the kids don’t have unexpected stressors on top of the start of a brand new year. This time it … Continue reading Confessions of a Recovering Work-a-holic
Here’s something about me that you may not know: I believe that life needs a soundtrack. Some people use music to get them in a better mood, or a calmer mood, or to relax. I’m the opposite. I find a song that reflects what I’m feeling at that particular moment. It’s like instead of standing … Continue reading Soundtracks for Life and Musical Horoscopes
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com Here’s an interesting phenomenon that happens when you reach your goals: you question if you deserve to have achieved whatever you achieved. I remember when I passed my NP boards feeling proud of myself for maybe 2 days, and then having the thought, “You don’t know anything. These patients … Continue reading Imposter Syndrome and Grace
I love 90s movies. 80s movies too, actually, but my mom and I shared a love of many of the romance/romantic comedy movies from the ‘90s. Our top favorites were You’ve Got Mail, The American President, My Best Friend’s Wedding…maybe a few more. But the one I’ve watched over and over in the past few … Continue reading Eggs Benedict Arnold
I was in a second grade science class when I first learned the basics of how we experience pain. The teacher was explaining how we’re lucky our bodies are equipped with nerves because if they weren’t, we couldn’t feel pain. At the time, in my 8-year-old limited understanding of the world, I thought, “Why does … Continue reading The Power of Pain
This past weekend, I went to the park for a little while and sat by the lake. I took a book with me, and my laptop hoping I would force myself to write because it helps me make sense of my life. I wasn’t really paying attention to the water or the sky, but this … Continue reading Birds and Planes
I’ve always struggled with homesickness. As early as kindergarten, maybe even before that, I remember overwhelming anxiety at being away from home. I cried every single day of kindergarten, first grade, most of second grade, brief reprieve in third grade, and then it finally stopped. The crying, I mean. The homesickness never really improved. The … Continue reading Homesickness and Red Sea Moments
Do you know about Pavlov? The scientist who did the research with the bell and the dogs? He looked at conditioned responses (ones that we are taught) vs. unconditioned responses (ones that are automatic). He would ring a bell, and then give a treat to the dog after every bell, and he measured their saliva … Continue reading What it’s like to wait for a liver transplant, part 4
Last week I was listening to a podcast and the speaker was discussing one of my favorite miracles in the Bible, when Jesus and Peter walked on water. A phrase caught my attention— “the fourth watch of the night.” That’s one of those that we hear in the more traditional translations of the Bible that … Continue reading The Fourth Watch
Monday night I went to see my therapist. She is surely on the path to sainthood. Or possibly alcoholism depending upon how she handles her stressors because I am a lot, and after last week, I was in rare form. I held it together for the weekend and did the things I was supposed to … Continue reading What It’s Like to Wait for a Liver Transplant, Part 3
Yesterday Other Half and I took a day trip. Not far, in case we got another transplant call (spoiler alert: we didn't). We rode up to Asheville to go back to the pen store I like so much (Origami Ink. Go there. You won’t be sorry), had some lunch at a bakery that I loved … Continue reading Fight or Flight, Roots and Wings
This week has been not my favorite maybe. Of all the transplant weeks, it might have been the hardest so far, and also the most uplifting. It’s a toss-up. Here’s some things you should know about transplants. First, the way you get one is to be so sick that without one, you would die. Essentially, … Continue reading What it’s like to wait for a liver transplant, part 2
I am an avid reader. Sometimes I read to hide from my life and get lost in the story of another. Sometimes I read to learn or to investigate. Lately though, I’ve noticed that I’m reading to feel understood. There are a number of books I’ve read recently that were encouraging not because they had … Continue reading Weekly Devotion: Worn Out
Reading: Isaiah 45:3 Do you know what hopelessness feels like? Not momentary, it’s dark now but the sun will shine again discouragement, but true hopelessness? It feels like a bowling ball sitting in your chest. A heaviness that makes it hard to breathe sometimes. The fatigue of knowing that when you go to sleep you … Continue reading Devotional: Hopelessness and the Treasures of Darkness
Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com I got really angry with God this week. Spoiler alert: He didn’t smite me. He can take it. He already knows when we’re mad at him anyway, so I’ve always gone with the theory that it’s better to tell him so you’re not lying on top of being mad at … Continue reading Weekly Devotion: I Thought
If I had to describe my current mood to an innocent bystander, I would call it drunk guy on a roller coaster. I’ve been up and down, back and forth, on many things in recent months. I’m not the kind of person who looks forward to change or thinks a fresh start is anything close … Continue reading Current Mood: Drunk Guy on a Roller Coaster
Reading: Numbers 11:6 I have a confession to make. Sometimes I have these blessings that come my way, but I am not happy about them. I decide that God must have misheard me because He did not send what I asked for. Instead of recognizing that in His wisdom and sovereignty, He is sending me … Continue reading Weekly Devotion: All We See is Manna
I woke up in Asheville on my birthday. A few months ago after we stayed here, Other Half asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I said, “Go back to the Grove Park.” I didn’t even want a present. I just wanted to sit on this beautiful rock porch (not nearly … Continue reading How the Monkeys Saved My Birthday
2 Kings 8:6 My moods lately have been so unbelievably unpredictable. Some days I wake up full of hope and excitement, looking forward into the clear blue sky of possibilities, and other days I wake up and feel like I can’t see beyond my next heartbeat. The cycle of loss, grief, survival, repeat has drained … Continue reading Weekly Devotion: Give Back Everything that Belongs to Her
You might not know this, but Benjamin Button is a funny kid. Sometimes he seems quiet and aloof, and he prefers video games to human interaction, but underneath it all the kid is hilarious. Case in point: back seat conversations in the Jeep. So you have some background, we have this rule in our house. … Continue reading Where Babies Come From
Reading: Isaiah 26:3; Matthew 8:18-20 I have recently discovered something. My love for predictability and stability are completely at odds with the life of faith that we as believers are called to live. This might be something that you have always understood, but it was sort of an epiphany to me. I mean, I don’t … Continue reading Weekly Devotion: Imperfect Circumstances, Perfect Peace
Setting Up Stones 