When my anxiety gets out of control, or my mind is racing too much to concentrate on reading books, my default coping mechanism is binge-watching Gilmore Girls. I think it’s comforting to me because it’s the show I watched with my mom growing up, and we always sort of pictured our relationship as similar to … Continue reading Sanctuary
I made it through Mother’s Day. It doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment, but compared to the previous years, it’s pretty impressive. No tears, no theatrics. Just brunch, time with family, shopping, and takeout for dinner. I skipped church and I’m not sorry because I’m not ready to push myself quite that hard yet. … Continue reading The Bittersweet Spot
I knew today would be a hard day. It has been two years today since my Mom died, going into the hospital for a routine surgery, and never leaving again. With this being the time of year that it is, I have been thinking a lot about the last few days I was with her. … Continue reading My Mom’s Last Message
My mom had a super power. A lot of super powers actually. She had this ability to face adversity with joy. The gift of teaching and preaching. The ability to love fiercely and compassionately. But I think one of her best giftings was prayer. On days when I feel especially lost, what I miss the … Continue reading My Mom’s Super Power
I used to think life was following a map. That it was long stretches of dirt roads, trails snaking through mountains and valleys, occasionally approaching rivers to find the bridge was out. Then, I started to think of it as more of a maze, as if upon entering the teenage years, you’re unceremoniously dumped at … Continue reading Ledges: What No One Tells You About Depression, Anxiety, and Grief
I was in a second grade science class when I first learned the basics of how we experience pain. The teacher was explaining how we’re lucky our bodies are equipped with nerves because if they weren’t, we couldn’t feel pain. At the time, in my 8-year-old limited understanding of the world, I thought, “Why does … Continue reading The Power of Pain
I’ve always struggled with homesickness. As early as kindergarten, maybe even before that, I remember overwhelming anxiety at being away from home. I cried every single day of kindergarten, first grade, most of second grade, brief reprieve in third grade, and then it finally stopped. The crying, I mean. The homesickness never really improved. The … Continue reading Homesickness and Red Sea Moments
If I had to describe my current mood to an innocent bystander, I would call it drunk guy on a roller coaster. I’ve been up and down, back and forth, on many things in recent months. I’m not the kind of person who looks forward to change or thinks a fresh start is anything close … Continue reading Current Mood: Drunk Guy on a Roller Coaster
I woke up in Asheville on my birthday. A few months ago after we stayed here, Other Half asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I said, “Go back to the Grove Park.” I didn’t even want a present. I just wanted to sit on this beautiful rock porch (not nearly … Continue reading How the Monkeys Saved My Birthday
I cried in front of my kids this week. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but it’s a big deal to me on a couple of different levels. First, I remember about 10 months ago going to talk to a friend about how trapped I felt in my grief over losing … Continue reading I Cried in Front of My Kids This Week
Setting Up Stones 