If you were still here, you would have called me today. You would’ve made sure I remembered to hang Caroline’s dress up so it wouldn’t wrinkle and told her she had to wear a sweater so her back wouldn’t show at church. It’s ok. You taught me well, so I remembered. You’d complain that Jake … Continue reading To Mom, On Easter
Fall has officially come, with its bright colors, unpredictable temperatures, and feeling of being just on the cusp of something. I’m not sure what it is about this season, but even when I was a child, there was a certain feeling in my chest that manifested by mid-September or early October. The sensation of being … Continue reading Shadows
“A few years ago, when my dad was still sick and this preacher came to pray with us at the hospital, he thanked God that our family was able to deal with hard situations with joy,” I said. “I remember thinking it was funny that he saw it that way because I’d never thought of … Continue reading Finding the Funny, Even in Funerals
I’ve been trying to branch out and read more non-fiction lately. In addition to the humor writings of Tina Fey and David Sedaris, and all the Joan Didion I can get my hands on (decidedly not humor writing), I’ve been reading the work of a lot of Christian essayists— Jen Hatmaker, Rachel Held Evans, Shauna … Continue reading Sitting in the Dark: A Devotion
When my anxiety gets out of control, or my mind is racing too much to concentrate on reading books, my default coping mechanism is binge-watching Gilmore Girls. I think it’s comforting to me because it’s the show I watched with my mom growing up, and we always sort of pictured our relationship as similar to … Continue reading Sanctuary
I made it through Mother’s Day. It doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment, but compared to the previous years, it’s pretty impressive. No tears, no theatrics. Just brunch, time with family, shopping, and takeout for dinner. I skipped church and I’m not sorry because I’m not ready to push myself quite that hard yet. … Continue reading The Bittersweet Spot
I knew today would be a hard day. It has been two years today since my Mom died, going into the hospital for a routine surgery, and never leaving again. With this being the time of year that it is, I have been thinking a lot about the last few days I was with her. … Continue reading My Mom’s Last Message
My mom had a super power. A lot of super powers actually. She had this ability to face adversity with joy. The gift of teaching and preaching. The ability to love fiercely and compassionately. But I think one of her best giftings was prayer. On days when I feel especially lost, what I miss the … Continue reading My Mom’s Super Power
I used to think life was following a map. That it was long stretches of dirt roads, trails snaking through mountains and valleys, occasionally approaching rivers to find the bridge was out. Then, I started to think of it as more of a maze, as if upon entering the teenage years, you’re unceremoniously dumped at … Continue reading Ledges: What No One Tells You About Depression, Anxiety, and Grief
I was in a second grade science class when I first learned the basics of how we experience pain. The teacher was explaining how we’re lucky our bodies are equipped with nerves because if they weren’t, we couldn’t feel pain. At the time, in my 8-year-old limited understanding of the world, I thought, “Why does … Continue reading The Power of Pain
Setting Up Stones 